Is Gottman Couples Counseling Right for You?

Gottman Method Couples Therapy is designed for couples who want to approach their relationship with greater intention, curiosity, and understanding. There is a real science to building and maintaining a healthy relationship, and this work draws on research-based methods to support that process.

This approach provides a structured framework for sessions, using well-established interventions and techniques to guide the work, especially when tension runs high.

The goals of Gottman Method Couples Therapy include disarming unhelpful patterns of communication, increasing intimacy, respect, and affection, strengthening friendship, and removing barriers that can lead to a sense of feeling stuck. This process also focuses on building empathy and deepening understanding between partners.

This work is structured and collaborative, and is most effective when both partners are willing to engage openly and participate actively in the process, both in session and at home.

What to Expect

Gottman Method Couples Therapy is an active and structured process, focused on helping you apply practical skills within your relationship. Sessions are collaborative and intentional, with an emphasis on understanding patterns as they arise and working with them in real time.

You can expect a balance of discussion, guided exercises, and skill-building. At times, sessions may feel direct and focused, particularly when addressing communication patterns or moments of conflict. The goal is not only insight, but the ability to respond differently to one another in meaningful and lasting ways.

Sessions are paced with intention, and I actively guide the process to maintain focus and bring conversations to a close within the structure of the session. 

An important part of this process takes place outside of session. You will be expected to practice the skills and tools you are learning in your day-to-day interactions. Progress is supported by consistent effort between sessions, as new patterns are applied and reinforced over time.

My role is to guide the process and provide structure, support, and evidence-based tools. Meaningful change, however, comes from the effort each of you brings to the work, both in session and at home.

How It Works

Gottman Method Couples Therapy follows a structured, research-based process that begins with a comprehensive assessment and leads into targeted, skills-based work.

Session 1 – Intake

The first session is conducted together with both partners and focuses on understanding the relationship as a whole, from how you met through all stages of the relationship. The combined voices of each partner are additive, helping to create a more complete picture of the relationship.

Following this appointment, each partner completes the Gottman Relationship Checkup through individual secure portals (approximately one hour outside of session). The cost of this assessment is included in the session fees, and you will receive one combined couple report.

This process can often feel reflective and even nostalgic, and many couples leave this session with a more positive sense of their relationship.

Session 2 – Individual Meetings

I meet individually with each partner, typically via telehealth, to gather additional background information, including family and relationship history, as well as each partner’s personal perspective on the relationship and goals for therapy.

This is the only time individual meetings are used and the only time I offer confidentiality outside of my standard no-secrets policy. It provides space for each partner to speak openly and without filter, with the understanding that what is shared will not be disclosed to the other. 

Session 3 – Assessment Review & Treatment Planning

Both partners return together to review the results of the Gottman Relationship Checkup and begin developing a shared understanding of the relationship. This session focuses on identifying strengths, areas of concern, and patterns that may be contributing to ongoing challenges.

Together, we establish a clear direction for the work moving forward, using the assessment results to guide a structured and targeted approach to treatment. 

Structure of Sessions

Ongoing sessions focus on building practical skills to improve communication, manage conflict, and strengthen the relationship.

Sessions are structured within a 60 to 75-minute timeframe. I actively guide the pacing of each session to help maintain focus and bring conversations to a close within this structure.

At times, sessions may extend to 90 minutes when additional time is needed to bring the work to a close. This typically occurs when the pace or intensity of the session makes it difficult to conclude within the expected timeframe.

Following the intake process, couples are typically seen every other week. As skills are integrated and practiced consistently, many couples transition to monthly sessions, often after approximately 6–8 post-intake sessions.

To support continued progress between sessions, I provide written materials and app-based tools for practice and often recommend The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman.

No Secrets Policy

I use a “no secrets” policy in this work. The relationship is the client, and both partners are an essential and equal part of that process. After the initial individual session, I do not meet, speak, or communicate by email with either partner individually.

Information shared with me by one partner is not kept from the other. Communication is conducted with full transparency; phone conversations and email correspondence will involve all of us. If one partner reaches out to me, I will respond to both.

This approach supports trust, accountability, and a more balanced process, helping ensure that the work remains focused on communication between partners rather than outside of it.

In Person or Telehealth

Gottman Method Couples Therapy is ideally conducted in person, with both partners present together. Because this work is active and skill-based, with a focus on understanding interaction patterns, strengthening connection, and practicing new ways of communicating in real time, being in the same space allows for more immediate feedback, deeper engagement, and the ability to work directly with what is happening between you as it unfolds.

For couples who are not able to attend in person, telehealth may be an option. In these cases, it is important that both partners are physically together during the session. Being in the same space allows for eye contact, physical connection, and shared engagement, all of which are an important part of this work.

It is also important that both partners are able to remain present, engaged, and respectful throughout the session, as guiding communication and managing the flow of the work can be more difficult to guide remotely. When these conditions are met, telehealth can still support meaningful progress while preserving the structure and effectiveness of the process.

When Couples Counseling May Not Be Appropriate

• There is a concern about domestic violence
• One or both partners are unwilling to participate or are being pressured or coerced to attend
• One or both partners have already made a decision to end the relationship, or are uncertain about whether they want to remain in it
• There is ongoing infidelity that one partner is not willing to end
• There are untreated or unstable mental health conditions, including active addiction, that interfere with the ability to engage in the work